When we’re on a date with someone we like, we all want the same thing: to be liked back. This is where the advice gets dicey. Many experts will suggest to look your best, to organise a casual yet thrilling date, and to just be yourself.
While these recommendations are undoubtedly beneficial to making a good first impression, they won’t convince someone we’re relationship material. And that’s what a date is all about. If our intentions are more casual, we’re just two people hanging out as part of a low-stakes courtship.
But if we want to be impressive on a date, we’ve got to show what it takes to be in a long-term relationship. Sure, a medical degree, a good sense of humor, and a meticulously maintained physique are attractive, but they don’t guarantee we’ll be a good companion.
So what does make us incredibly attractive as a mate?
The extent to which we know ourselves. In other words, self-awareness.
No one reasonable is looking for perfection. Everyone with a modicum of maturity understands we’re all flawed. That’s why it’s so appealing when someone can explain and warn us about the ways they can be difficult to be with. Because those who are unaware of their shortcomings will unknowingly behave in ways that will spoil our lives.
Someone who knows about and understands their madness, however, can playfully inform us of their immaturities so that its impact on us won’t be more than a nuisance.
Conversely, if we lightheartedly share our flaws, we should expect our date to meet our confession with compassion. If they’re ready for a relationship, they won’t be surprised to hear we’re a little damaged. After all, we’re all neurotic, broken, and challenging to be with in certain ways.
Ideally, our date will gently embrace our admission of imperfection because they take it as a sign that we’re ready to see them in their totality too—darkness and all. This is incredibly seductive because what humans crave above all else is to be seen and understood for who we really are.
Too many of us are familiar with the painful experience of being idealised by a partner, and then being abandoned for revealing something difficult they couldn’t handle.
That’s why it’s crucial we share some of the challenges we’re facing. It’ll quickly reveal if the person we’re with is prepared and equipped to accept more than just our good side.
But there’s one thing we can’t forget in our search for an emotionally mature partner: we must talk about our faults in an empowering way. Although we’re conscious of our sorrows and pains, we should use this knowledge to become more generous, funny, and interesting people. Only if we handle our weakness well will it become appealing to others.
Nobody likes a sourpuss.
Doing well on a first date has far less to do with being hot, sexy, and funny than we typically think. If it’s real love we’re after, we’re better off playfully yet sincerely sharing some of the ways we’re crazy. Because it’s the ways that couples deal with each other’s imperfections that largely decide whether they’ll be happy (enough) together.