Whenever we meet someone we fancy, the biggest question on our minds is if they like us. Depending on our answer, we’ll either open up more or pull away to protect our ego.
This approach is sound but lacks finesse.
Liking someone is rarely a matter of yes or no. Whether we like someone hugely depends on our mood.
No matter how alluring another person is, we’re not as interested when we’re short on sleep, worried about making rent, or simply a little confused about what we should be doing with our lives.
Most importantly, our feelings towards someone else are chiefly shaped by how we think they feel about us.
If they make us feel appreciated by greeting us warmly, asking us questions, and laughing at our jokes, then our feelings for the other person deepen and we feel more comfortable expressing our fondness for them. But if we’re unsure of our place in their mind, we won’t be as drawn to them and feel more hesitant to express any interest we might have.
The trouble with building friendships is that we’re risk averse creatures. Most of us would prefer to sit back and wait for someone else to make the first move, avoiding the harsh reality of being turned down.
But if none of us have the courage to take an interest in another human being, we’ll never meet anyone new.
The solution in overcoming our fears of rejection rests in an understanding of ourselves. If we study our minds carefully, we’d see that we have an appetite for new kinds of conversation and sources of kindness.
Almost everyone has room in their lives for an attentive and emotionally mature person.
Knowing that most of us are hungry for a good friend or companion, we can feel far more comfortable being that person for someone else. Because if we do our job with enough sincerity and charm, we’ll often come out of it with a new prospective friend.
Of course, not everyone will like us. But that’s besides the point. Our goal shouldn’t be to be liked by everyone we meet, but to try and build a genuine connection with anyone who sparks our interest.
When we fear making new friends, we must do our best to remember that it’s not us who are at risk of being rejected. The only thing someone can reject is how we make them feel with our actions and words.