Our greatest heroes, such as Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, and Immaculée Ilibagiza, have done a terrible thing. Their immense capacity for forgiveness has made it almost impossible for us to leave unkind people.
If our idols can put up with hardships a thousand times greater than our own, we reckon we should endure our petty personal troubles too.
But that’s not necessarily true. Maturity isn’t just about giving people second chances, it’s also about knowing when to cut someone off.
Because some individuals are just too thoughtless and selfish to keep around.
The trouble, of course, is that the people who love us are also typically the ones who deeply wound us. It’s this duality that we struggle to make sense of.
When is their carelessness too much?
Their betrayal shattered our trust and left us broken, but the memories of our laughter and shared dreams linger as bittersweet reminders. Their selfishness and disregard for our feelings left us feeling unseen and unvalued, yet there were times when they showed genuine kindness and affection. Their anger and volatility made us fear for our safety, yet there were moments of intense passion and connection that we can’t forget.
It’s easy to leave a monster. There’s nothing redeemable about them.
But if the good is mixed in with the bad, we can easily feel that cutting them off is too ruthless. Perhaps we’re exaggerating. Or maybe they’ll change if we keep them around, after all, they’ve been good to us sometimes
The trouble with this way of thinking is that nobody is ever wholly bad. Even the most dangerous people are capable of being nice every once in a while.
And if we need someone to be a villain for us to feel comfortable leaving them, then we’ll keep every toxic person around that we’ve ever attracted. And that’s not a life we want to live.
If we want a real shot at happiness, we must understand that letting go of someone isn’t a sign of immaturity. In fact, it’s a sign of strength and self respect. Clinging onto an insensitive person out of a sense of loyalty is what’s naive. Not to mention self-destructive.
While people like Martin Luther King Jr and Mother Theresa exemplified forgiveness and compassion, they also understood the importance of protecting oneself and walking away from relationships that cause harm.
Life’s too short to spend with people who can’t reliably be loving.