Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Focus On Actions, NOt Results

Success is fickle. You can do everything right and still not get what you set your hopes on. That might sound unfair, but it’s also just the way things are.

For every Gold Medalist there are 100 athletes that will never win, 100 athletes that will never make it to the Olympics, another 100 that will never make it to the pros, and another 100 that’ll never even step onto the tracks.

Because people are only interested in winners and rockstars, that’s usually all we see. The media largely ignores failures and deadbeats. That’s why we tend to feel success lies just around the corner.

Plow on and we’ll eventually walk away with the prize.

But that’s based on misleading information. Since books and documentaries on failures don’t sell, we rarely get to hear the stories of losers. They’re underrepresented.

So we get a false understanding of success: victory comes to those who work hard and persevere. But that’s not enough.

Lots of factors influence whether you’ll win or lose, of which many are out of your hands.

That’s why it’s unwise to fixate on success when you make decisions. You don’t control the outcome.

So focus on your actions instead. What decision would your best self make? That choice will never lead you astray.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach