To master the art of being unhappy in your love life and making your partner feel the same, follow these rules:
- Ignore the childhood events that shaped how you think about love and healthy communication;
- Believe that your feelings, rather than your reasoning will help you identify the right partner;
- Pick someone because you think they understand you;
- Never share when you’re annoyed or disappointed with your beloved;
- See your occasional feelings of disenchantment as a sign that you’re not a fit;
- Trust that other couples are as happy as they let on;
- View your relationship as a game of Tug of War and firmly stand your ground at all costs;
- Invest in the longevity of your relationship by buying chocolates, flowers and holiday trips, rather than a session with a marriage counsellor;
- Keep track of all your partner’s flaws;
- Change your perception of your significant other based on how they fill the dishwasher or clean up the bathroom;
- Recognise that you put far more effort into the relationship than your companion;
- Insist that love is supposed to be unconditional and get angry at your partner for trying to change your unalluring habits;
- Notice how your sex life is infrequent and nothing like you see in porn videos;
- Consistently compare the relationship’s low points to its high points;
- Assume that you’re a delight to live with.