Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

What Is The Self?

The self is our biological body and the feelings it makes.

And it is part voluntary and involuntary, conscious and unconscious.

The first we can sense directly and the second we can only think about.

The ego is the conscious part of the self and observes the feelings. And it is the part we naturally identify with.

But it must not be mistaken for the entire thing.

For the ego cannot function without the body and its unconscious processes.

And by thinking you are not the unconscious, you are separating the ego from its living foundation.

Rather than functioning as a unit, you are split in two: an active ‘I’ (the subject) and a passive body (the object).

But in reality the body is as—if not more—active as the ego.

The greater part of the self operates unconsciously; the beating of your heart, the functioning of the senses and the shaping of your bones.

That domain of the self is inaccessible for the ego; meaning the ego can’t watch or control it.

But the domain of the ego is accessible to the unconscious; performing some actions better than the ego (like practiced movements) and other actions worse (like complex thinking).

One job of the ego is to control the body through willing the muscles of the body to move; you could say that the self is ‘willing’.

But if the ego is attending another of its jobs, the body can also move; you could say that the self is ‘instincting’.

And in both scenarios you are selfing.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach