Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Why She’s Not Out Of Your League – A Guide For Men

In the modern age, where we do most of our socialising on social media, it’s easy to get a skewed idea of the dating landscape. As we scroll through our feed and trip over all the boobs, butts and eggplant emojis, it might seem like women have an endless array of options at their fingertips. 

Seeing entire comment sections filled with men fighting for the attention of one woman is intimidating. No wonder so many guys resign themselves to a life of solitude. The competition is fierce. 

But only if we look at it from the perspective of a male.

If we look at dating through the lens of a woman, we get a totally different story. It’s true that women have a lot of admirers. Both online and in real life. But much of it is hugely disappointing. 

Virtually all attention she receives comes from empty-headed guys who treat her as a sexual object rather than a person. Thereby instantly ruling themselves out as a potential love interest. 

And the few guys that do make it out of the weeds and onto a date with her are either awkward, not a fit, better as friends, bad in bed, or charmers who suddenly vanish off the face of the earth. 

In reality, even the most desirable women only have a handful of decent options. If not less.

So it’s not just you who’s lonely as hell. She’s probably lonely too.

That’s why it’s your job to break through the chaos and get her attention. But preferably not through a dating app. 

If her only choice is a photo on her smartphone, she’s going to choose the guy she’s most attracted to every time. And unless you’re genetically gifted, you’ll lose that game.

But in real life, the deck is stacked in your favour. 

When a woman can experience you in person, she’ll evaluate you based on how you make her feel. She’s still paying attention to your appearance: your looks, your fashion, and your grooming. So you can’t look and smell like a wombat’s backside. But she’s also taking note of how fun, excited and comfortable you make her feel.  Emotional cues that she can’t get from a Tinder photo. 

Are you attractive enough and can you make her feel good? Then you’l likely be her only legitimate option, despite her tens of thousands of Instagram followers. 

Sure, it’s possible that the particular girl you’re eying is distracted by the shine of glamour, riches and status. But that’s a minority. The overwhelming majority of women are looking for deep, emotional nourishment. 

In fact, that’s what most human beings are after. 

Just like you, she’s seeking someone attractive, caring and understanding who she can share a meaningful time with. A person who gets her, makes her laugh, holds her when she’s upset, considers her feelings, openly communicates, takes her on fun activities, sends her into orbit from pleasure, and feeds her snacks while she watches the lastest documentary on serial killers.

These are all gifts that you can offer a woman too. 

But she won’t want them from you until you show her that you’re not like all the other guys. So find the guts to talk to her and cut through the noise. If you’re charming and she’s single, odds are that you’ll fly to the top of her interest list.

So it’s not that most women are out of your league, you’re just not getting yourself on enough of their radars in the right ways. Because once you do, you’ll notice that they’re very receptive to a man who can treat them right.

Take your chances face to face. It’ll be worth it.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach