Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Conquering Social Events For Introverts

I’m indoorsy. That means that I don’t get too excited about the outside, the stuff that’s happening there, and people. Especially if they decorate the walls of their homes with ‘live love laugh’ signs.

So I rarely look forward to big social events.

The crazy thing is that I almost always have a great time. A message that clearly never reaches my monkey brain, because it still treats invitations to social gatherings like I’ve been asked to compete in a triathlon.


How do I convince myself to go anyway?

I tell myself these three things.

  1. You can always leave. Nothing is forcing you to stay. And if someone tries to guilt trip you into staying, you can simply tell them no. Or hide in the bathroom until the warden is too busy to watch you execute your prison break.
  2. Everyone else is seeking comfort too. Most people enter a party with friends or look for a familiar face so they have a slice of ‘home’ with them. It helps them relax. But you can also help people relax by being the one breaking the ice and engaging in fun and vulnerable small talk. 
  3. It doesn’t take much. You don’t need a lot to start a conversation with a stranger. A simple, “Hey, how do you know so and so?” is often enough to get the ball rolling. Whatever you put into the conversation, you’ll likely get back.

P.S. An observant reader kindly reminded me that my last post lacked sources for my scientific claims. So I added them. Thanks for keeping me honest.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach