Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Forgetting About Your Ex Made Easy

Getting over someone is actually straightforward: you erase them from your life and you focus on the things that matter to you. But sometimes it’s not that easy.

They stay on your mind regardless of all the good things you’ve done for yourself. Including seeing other people. Yet, somehow, no one matches up to the one that got away.

Now you constantly catch yourself revisiting loving memories that made you feel like the luckiest person in the world. Making it impossible to move on.

So how do you stop thinking about your ex?

You want the harsh truth?

When you cease treating them as something you can own and control. They’re not a toy designed to give you a good time or a cool accessory to make you feel better about yourself.

And if you’re hung up on an ex, it means that you don’t consider yourself enough. You don’t see your value.

So instead of building your own joy and self-worth, you’re looking for a quick fix in the shape of a partner. Someone charming, loving, respected, and/or hot who makes you feel like a million bucks.

But such shortcuts don’t work. 

Because guess what? If you lose the thing that propelled you to Cloud 9, you’ll fall all the way back down and be left with nothing.

There’s no cheat code to self-love and happiness. Attaching yourself to valuable people doesn’t make you a valuable person. 

Hanging out with high-achievers and winners may make you feel cool, but only in the way that someone does when they rent a Ferrari.

It has completely nothing to do with you. And when your time is up, and the car rental asks for the keys back and your impressive friends go home, you’ll be left with the only possession you’ll ever truly have…

…yourself.

Who are you then?

If that’s not someone you’re proud of, then you’ll never move on and forget about your ex. You can’t. Because if you feel close to worthless, you’ll always look to mooch off another person’s value.

So how can you get over someone?

Stop trying to hitch a ride on someone else’s success and status, and put all your effort into becoming a person that you can respect, perhaps even look up to.

The moment you feel good about yourself, you don’t need an ex to make you happy.

Don’t search for your worth in someone else. Instead, invest in yourself, it’s the best investment you’ll ever make.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach