Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

How To Feel Better About Yourself

Everyone struggles with insecurities. Thoughts of being unattractive, dumb, dull and unloveable cross the minds of every person. Even on our best days, a poor performance in front of someone we admire can completely shatter our confidence to bits.

It’s exhausting. And also utterly normal.

The habit of constantly evaluating ourselves seems to have been beaten into us by Mother Nature. And for good reason. By being able to compare ourselves to others, we can check if we’re useful enough to keep around.

An essential skill in caveman times, where freeloading got you kicked out of the tribe so that you could get your face chewed off by sabertooth tigers. 

Nowadays, however, excessive self-evaluation causes us great anguish. Proving your worth in a time where you can compare yourself with the world’s best isn’t really motivational. It’s depressing.

Especially when a 9-year-old YouTuber earns more a year from playing video games than you and your entire family can earn in 10 lifetimes doing actual work. Ya, really.

It’s no surprise many of us don’t feel good enough. 

So what can we do to start feeling good about ourselves? 

Being more compassionate. Both towards yourself and to others.

Most of us are caught up in the belief that the more we contribute to the world, society and our loved ones, the more valuable we are. But that’s simply not true.

And we all already know and feel this when we think of young pets and babies. They’ve never done a productive thing in their entire lives. They sit around all day screaming and soiling themselves. Contribute absolutely nothing to the household. And yet we absolutely adore the living daylights out of these little turd factories.

All their worth comes just from being their breathtaking imperfect selves.

If they can be perfectly imperfect, why can’t we? 

We, of course, are enough just by virtue of being alive. We just haven’t been taught to think that way. We don’t look at our reflection in the mirror and say, “I’ll love you no matter what.”

The very thought of it probably gives you third-degree cringe. And that’s a good sign you need it. Me included.

We’re all just a bunch of hairless chimps who are both productive and lazy, smart and dumb, loving and selfish, charming and despicable, and embarrassingly insecure. Seeing that we all struggle with the same things is precisely what will help us overcome our insecurities.

We’re not fighting for survival anymore, we’re working together to live as comfortably as the pets we so inexplicably love. So it’s not comparison and competition that we need, but compassion.

P.S. If you do get caught up in the comparison game, compare yourself to the right person. Don’t just judge yourself against the world’s finest, also compare yourself to Joe Schmo who sat on the couch all day fishing Cheetos out of his belly button.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach