Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Introducing ‘New’ Into Your Life

Suppose you had no money concerns, had all the stuff you wanted, felt healthy and were free of illness and ailment. What would you do with your time?

If you thought to yourself, “What I’m already doing”, then I’m pretty sure the law allows me to blow a hole in your dome with a sawed-off. So it might be best to head back to where you came from if you see me walking down the street.

But if you don’t have everything figured out like most of us, you probably want to make some changes.

Perhaps volunteer, learn an instrument, play sports, make art, or spend more time with your friends, family, or community.

Now, here comes the cool part. 

Why aren’t you doing these things already? 

Probably because you’re waiting for the right moment.

Perhaps you’re waiting for your work to slow down, waiting until you climb out of your emotional void, or you may even be waiting on the day you retire.

But tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

And if you claim you’ll do the thing when the perfect time arrives, you’re fooling yourself. 

The perfect time never arrives.

So how do you start living today?

  • Accept that chaos is the norm. You probably won’t ever feel like your affairs are perfectly in order. You’ll always be busy juggling your work, your finances, your health, and your relationships. Sure, you can simplify your life and reduce the amount of balls in the air to make things easier. But you’ll always be overseeing multiple things at the same time. So don’t wait for the opportune moment to start something new. Make up your mind about what’s important to you and find the time to do it. Even imperfectly. Crowbar it in if you have to. 
  • Don’t kid yourself that it’s about money. Unless you want to fly rocket ships or play Warhammer, life’s marvels come cheap. 
  • Focus on the trajectory, not the quality. When it comes to the things we care about, we want to honour them by giving them the proper respect and attention. But that often turns into not doing the meaningful things at all. So instead, seek to give your attention to what matters consistently. Even if it’s only a little every (other) day. All these small moments add up. Before you know it, you’ll have acquired a new skill, finished a passion project, or turned an attractive stranger into your partner. 

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly. Just start badly and improve later.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach