Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Making The Best Of Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is a bit of a mixed bag. Some love it. Some hate it or don’t care for it. Others want to love it, but they currently feel miserable because they’re alone or in some sort of dating limbo.

Has Valentine got you down? Here comes some advice that will make you feel better the moment you apply it.

  1. Stop being an outsider. If you’re not seeing anyone romantically and don’t have any friends to see, direct your generosity elsewhere. For example, bring a big box of yummy pastries to your workplace as a token of your appreciation. This will no doubt spark lots of conversation. Before you know it, your co-workers will realise you’re a good time and want to get to know you better. Voilà. You’ve made new friends.
  2. Stop thinking Valentine’s is just for couples. It can suck to be the only single person in your friend group, but just because you don’t have a partner doesn’t mean you have to find one to be loving. Give love to anyone who you’re grateful for to have in your life. Your family, your friends, your pet(s), or that YouTuber who always replies to your comments no matter how much you pester them.
  3. Stop being an admirer. Do something special for the person you like. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture. You could give them a bar of chocolate and a note that says, “Just in case Cupid forgets to tell you you’re cute. ;)” It’s fun, it’s light, and it makes your romantic intentions known. Perfect.
  4. Stop making Valentine’s bigger than it is. If you’ve been dating someone you like for a while, it’s easy to see Valentine’s Day as the big decider: are we serious or not? Please drop those expectations. Why? Because you’re putting more emphasis on the holiday than on how much your person cares about you. Just because they went all out on Valentine’s Day does not excuse all the other times they were cold and distant. And a poor performance on Valentine’s Day should not outweigh all the other times they showed up for you. Focus on what they’re consistently showing you.
  5. Stop comparing your relationship with others. The more you care for your partner, the higher your expectations are likely to be. Especially if you watch a lot of rom-coms. The trouble? It’s not fair to have high expectations on this one particular day if your partner has no clue about them. It’ll be impossible for them to match up to your elaborate fantasies! So tell them how much the day means to you in advance. Planning may not sound romantic, but it sure as heck beats disappointment. 

Valentine’s Day is about giving love to the people around you and celebrating them. 

So show a little excitement to whoever you feel deserves it. 

P.S. I now realise that I probably should have written this prior to Valentine’s Day. Oopsie. I’ll make note of it for next year, skrrrt.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach