Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Rise Above Self-Pity With Emotional Strength

We’re always looking to get ahead. And even though we’re making progress, many of us are fixated on how far we still have to go.

If that chasm feels too difficult to cross, we tend to get a little disheartened.

A writer with a deadline might be upset that she didn’t get as many pages done as planned. A researcher on a budget might get angry that his experiments aren’t yielding the results he’s after. And a professional wrestler might curse at himself when he gets knocked on his butt 10 seconds into his bout.

Sometimes the gap between where we’re at and where we want to be is so great that we give up. And that’s a terrible shame.

So what’s the best thing to do when you’re feeling sorry for yourself?

Simple. Cut the crying.

That’s obviously easier to do for hobbyists because they don’t have any skin in the game. But even professionals are better served by taking a step back from their disappointment. In fact, the person whose career is on the line stands to gain the most.

Because where does throwing a tantrum get you?

I don’t need to insult your intelligence by spelling it out for you. You know it’s a dumb move. My goal is to invite you to a better way of doing things. 

So the next time you’re having a meltdown or a serious case of potty mouth, I want you to ask yourself this question:

Is what I’m doing now getting me closer to where I want to go and who I want to be?

If not, then stop whatever you’re doing and figure out what needs to get done. If yes, pat yourself on the back and keep at it.

Whine has no place in your life unless it’s red and comes in a bottle. 

So stop worrying about where you’re at and focus on what you need to do now. You can sob in the shower later. 

P.S. Keep in mind that if reaching your goals isn’t urgent, you can take a break. And if so many things are urgent that you have no time to relax, then you may want to reevaluate your life and drop some of your responsibilities or reduce the scope of your ambitions.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach