Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Stop Chasing People Who Can’t Give What You Want

Dating is difficult for a host of reasons. One of the most insidious situations is one where you’ve found someone who’s both great and into you, but not ready to enter a relationship with you. 

Or let you go.

Despite your wishes to cease contact, they eventually break the silence and reach out to you. 

Hardly a problem if they were mean and callous. But they always come back to you with sweet and attentive texts that rekindle your feelings. 

Making it impossible to stop daydreaming about them.

How do you best deal with someone who can’t say goodbye but is also unwilling to give you what you want?

Realise they’re wrong for you. 

Even though their attention might seem like they care about you, they’re actually being incredibly selfish.

Once they know that you feel rejected and unsafe being around someone who can’t commit to choosing you, they ought to understand that they’re a threat to your well-being. 

And that they should stay away. 

If they choose to cling onto you in spite of all this, they’re either completely acting out of their own interests or misunderstanding how you feel.

That’s why your first course of action should be to clarify your thoughts and feelings, and clearly ask for what you want.

“I can see you’re confused about us. And that’s okay. But I can’t be around someone who’s undecided about whether they want to be with me. And I deserve better. So I’d appreciate it if you’d stop contacting me unless you change your mind about us. Until then, I’ll be trying my best to move on.”

And you better mean it too.

If you secretly keep hoping they’ll run back to you with good news, you’ll never give anyone else a real chance to sweep you off your feet. You’ll still be clinging on to your ‘special’ someone.

You have to move on.

And that can only happen if you grieve what was and what could have been.

That may sound like a shitty deal. But it’s far better than hoping they’ll turn around and choose you. 

Grief is only temporary. Hope and its accompanying hurt can last forever.

And your time on this earth is limited.

Don’t put your life on hold for someone who can’t see what an amazing lover and partner you are. You deserve better. 

Stop chasing the wrong people. 

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach