Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Stop Needing Romance To Happen Naturally

Movies and TV shows have given us a wildly inaccurate view of romantic relationships. And many of us bought it. Lock, stock, and barrel. Not only do we now want our partner to be our best friend and passionate lover, we expect them to read our minds too.

Can they not spontaneously tend to our every 36,782 emotional needs? Then they’re not right for us. 

Clearly, I’m exaggerating. Few couples believe their significant other ought to tend to their every need without planning or prompting. 

But almost every partner has at least one set of needs that they want their partner to fulfil without even hinting they exist. Their desires may as well be a secret.

And that’s awful.

Because that says you expect your person to just know stuff about you.

Some people might argue, “Well, my partner has satisfied countless of my other needs without needing to be told. So why should this be any different?”

Because your partner got lucky. They just tried to make you happy in ways that worked in their previous and current human relationships, and they got it right without your help.

But how is your partner supposed to make you happy in ways that they’ve never made anyone happy before?

It’s impossible. Unless. You. Speak. Up.

And for some that borders on romantic blasphemy. Because what does it say if you have to communicate your needs to the person who’s supposed to know and love you better than anyone in the world?

It says that you’re intentional, that you care, and that you think you have something special together that you want to last.

By believing that your partner has to magically ‘get you’, you’re setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment. Plus, you’re likely neglecting your partner’s needs by hoping to get things right instead of seeking to understand what they want.

A healthy and loving relationship is not something that happens naturally, it’s something you build consciously. 

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach