Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

You Don’t Need A Miracle

New endeavours fill us with fear and self-doubt. So we instinctively seek out guides and quick fixes to help us push through the discomfort of the unknown. It’s nice to be shown the way.

Although not everyone feels the same. Some of us frown upon that help-seeking behaviour, because it reeks of laziness. 

But that’s not fair.

While some of us look for shortcuts to save time and energy, many of us feel so powerless to take on new challenges that we believe we need to finish three self-help books and two Udemy courses before we can start.

These people don’t realise that everyone is just faking their competence. 

Do you think the head of the House of Representatives of the country with the largest economy in the world thought things through when she visited Taiwan the other day and drew the ire of China?

Yeh, probably not.

If you want to get better at something new, just regularly do the new thing. It’s really that simple.

Does that mean you should bully yourself whenever you lack the discipline to follow through on your new commitment? No, that’s the other trap you want to steer clear of. 

You don’t need to chip away at your pet project like a feverish miner looking for gold. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some slack. The best schedule is one you can stick to. 

If you’re really serious about seeing your project through until the end, read James Clear’s book on building habits. Unlike me, he’s actually an expert on this stuff.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach