Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

What The Best Partners Are Made Of

Sometimes someone special to us pulls away. And because we’ve made this person so important, we choose to fight to keep them around.

Understandable. But not always smart.

Not unless you know why that relationship is so important and valuable to you.

The trouble with love is that we don’t often know what makes the other person so attractive. Usually, it’s some combination of their looks, their sense of humour, their confidence, their interests, and the connection you feel between the two of you.

All wonderful things. But none that would describe a good partner. And isn’t that why you should pine for someone? Because they are the best teammate you could wish for?

The trouble is that so few of us actually think that far ahead. We’re so excited by this person that we don’t stop to think about what makes them good for us.

So what decides whether you should fight for someone special who’s pulling back?

If they’re kind, compassionate, reliable, generous, honest, trustworthy, caring, supportive and a great communicator. This is the stuff the best partners are made of. And if these are the qualities of the person who’s unexpectedly pulling away, yes, you should definitely consider putting up a fight.

But traits like wit, charisma, sex appeal, and even good chemistry, they’re an afterthought. The cherry on top. It’s obviously great to be around someone fun and sexy. But it’s not what makes them an incredible teammate.

Itty bitty side note: if someone is unmistakably backing off, they’re not an incredible teammate. After all, a good partner doesn’t pull back, they show up.

So what should you do if someone special turns cold?

Reevaluate how special they are. Is someone who takes you for granted really worthy of your love and generosity? Not unless something else stands in the way of you being together.

Only someone who sees your value is worth fighting for. 

P.S. Feel free to give your love to those who don’t fully appreciate it. Just don’t make the mistake of expecting anything back in return.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach