Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

A Better Take On Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is tricky. Have too little and you feel miserable. Have enough and you’re always working to support it.

And since our minds are experts at reminding us of all the ways how we’re not good enough—we’re afraid, shy, passive, ugly, arrogant, ignorant, judgemental, losers, boring, needy, and so on—fighting to have high self-esteem is a costly battle with few spoils. 

The whole endeavour seems wasteful. 

What if there was an alternative option to self-esteem? Something better. 

Consider what your life would be like if you dropped the idea of self-esteem. Instead of trying to judge all your actions to see if you’re a good and cherished person, try focusing on creating a meaningful life for yourself.

You don’t need high self-esteem for that. Just a good grasp of what you find important in life.

Figure out what you want your life to be about and who you want to be, then take action in line with those values. 

Now you’re building a life worth living without wasting energy on this cockamamy idea of self-esteem.

A lack of confidence or self-worth generally doesn’t get in the way of getting what you want, a lack of skill does. So develop the abilities you need and go on your way. 

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach