Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

A Quick Guide To Building Confidence

Everyone knows confidence helps tremendously in life. But few of us realise that it’s a feeling that we can reliably beef up.

Here’s a simple way to look at it. 

We can dice up confidence into three chunks.

  • Surface confidence. The confidence you get from the way you look, talk, walk, and act in your every day life. 
  • Lifestyle confidence. The confidence you get from all the areas in your life that you’re proud of. 
  • Core confidence. The confidence you get from your sense of self-worth.

This three-part model makes boosting your confidence a piece of cake. Just show some love to every part.

Get a haircut, read a few chapters of a difficult book, and trust that you matter just as much as all the most talented and successful people in the world.

Hmm. The last one might be a little bit of a stretch unless you’re a self-absorbed blogger who has to remind the world how cool he is two times a week.

But if you’re a normal person, it can be tough to feel bulletproof. And that’s because you shouldn’t unless you’re Superman or Wonderwoman.

It makes more sense to value yourself about as highly as your community does. If you don’t bring any good into the world, maybe you shouldn’t feel great about yourself. At least, not much more beyond your basic right to exist.

Maybe you need to step up your game a little first.

The trouble for many people, however, is that they want to contribute and do good, but they can’t because their lack of self-worth is stopping them. They want to live louder, but their anxieties and fears keep them caged in. 

If you’re also a person who would love to do more with your life, but feel weighed down by the regrets and tragedies of your past, then it really pays to get some easy confidence wins.

Like upgrading your wardrobe with a new pair of shoes or joining an archery class just for the fun of it.

Any time you work on your surface confidence, you’re telling yourself that you’re worth taking care of. Any time you work on your lifestyle confidence, you’re making your life bigger and giving yourself more things to be proud of.

All these things help to build your core confidence.

In fact, all the superficial stuff you do for yourself tells your brain that your life is important. That you’re important. That you have an impact. And that you can create an entirely new life if you so choose to.

Never lose sight of that.

P.S. If you’re a serial people pleaser, please don’t try to do more for others. Your needs matter too, you don’t exist solely to serve and please everyone else. 

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach