Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Are They Out Of Your League?

When we’re around someone who completely bowls us over with their beauty, we become a mess. We start to ramble, we fill up every silence with awkward chuckles and giggles, and we lose all notion of normal hand movements.

Why does this happen?

Because we feel like the dazzling person is better than us just by virtue of the body that they were born with. Or the physique that they enhanced with certain creams, ointments, and surgical appointments.

It’s easy to understand that good looks really shouldn’t have that strong of a hold over us. 

But what do we do if our genitals have clearly not received that memo?

  • Remember all the people you’ve been attracted to. If you’ve had the luxury of slowly falling in love with someone, you know that attraction is something that grows over time. A person who doesn’t do much for you now, might drive you absolutely wild after a few months of quality time. That means hot people aren’t rare. So stop treating them that way.
  • Stop thinking you need to do something big. When someone is incredibly attractive to us, we feel the urge to win them over as quickly as possible, rather than letting things develop naturally. And by trying to quickly win them over with something awesome, we actually do worse. In that way, seduction works similarly to getting in shape. Our urge is to pile on the weight plates and suck down five protein shakes per day. But it’s actually better to stick to the basics and see how it feels. Just because the person you like won the genetic lottery doesn’t mean you need to do something different. After all, if the regular boring dating stuff didn’t work, then the world would probably be a pretty empty place. 
  • Looks are just one element of attraction. If all you’re looking for is someone to turn you on, then every gorgeous person has exactly what you need. But if you’re looking for a little more—like someone who can make you laugh, stimulate you intellectually, inspire you to do new things, and just give you an all-round good time outside the bedroom—then you may want to hold your excitement until they show you they’re a fit.

We’re surrounded by people who care about all the wrong things: status, money, followers, power, popularity, and everything else showy and extravagant.

But these aren’t markers of real value.

What really matters are the qualities that someone brings to their loved ones on a daily basis. 

Who cares if someone travels all across the globe to close million-dollar deals and goes cliff diving in their spare time, if they’re an unattentive and self-absorbed person?

Once you truly start caring about the right things, then it won’t matter if the new person you’re with is gorgeous in the typical sense, because it’s something that’s just not that important to you.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach