Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

How To Be More Kind To Yourself

We’re living in a world where it’s increasingly more normal to believe that ‘I have a special destiny’. That acting for the group and the community is for Marxists. And that being average means being a failure.

If that describes your worldview, this post is not for you. It’s probably better for your biography if you do some stretches and learn to shove your head up your ass. 

Now that we’ve scared off the egomaniacs, we can talk about self-compassion without worrying we’re creating more selfish fucksticks.

A big problem many of us share is that we’re too harsh on ourselves.

We’re quick to blame ourselves for things that are out of our control, and we derive some sort of sick pleasure from replaying our mistakes like we’re watching America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Acting as your own drill sergeant and shoving your face in your wrongs may not be as helpful as you think. 

In fact, it often just makes you feel worse.

Self-compassion, however, is scientifically proven to increase your well-being.

So where do you start?

One of the most influential research psychologists on this subject, Dr Kristin Neff, has identified three different kinds of self-compassion: self kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Here’s my take on each element:

  • Be kind to yourself as if you were a friend in distress. 
  • Recognise that your failures don’t estrange you from others, but actually make you relatable and more human.
  • Process your frustration and disappointment instead of ruminating. Treat it like a workout. Set aside a time where you connect to your worries through thinking, journaling, or conversation with an interested listener. And once the workout is done you move on with your day.
By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach