Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Needy People Aren’t The Problem

Relying on someone emotionally in today’s culture will get you fucked up. 

Do you like to hear other people’s opinions before making a big decision, to reach out to acquaintances for help, to involve others in your life for no real reason, or do you just want to spend more time with someone new because you like them?

Bam. You’re now seen as clingy and needy. And are perhaps even ostracised.

Speaking as a needy social animal, I find this notion hilarious.

Almost all our actions are driven by our need for attention, respect, acceptance, affection, trust, and connection from others.

Of course, there are certain people who need an excessive amount of care from others to feel good about themselves. But there aren’t nearly as many of them as our distaste for needy people seems to suggest.

Our society isn’t overrun by needy people, it’s jammed and bursting at the seams with insecure people.

They’re the ones giving warmth and interest a bad rep.

Because a person who likes themselves so little, can’t understand how someone else could like them so much.

And it makes sense.

Every one of us is painfully aware of how inadequate and insufferable we are. And if another person can’t see that, then they either must be incredibly naive or an absolute lunatic.

And who would want someone like that around?

That’s why so many of us call them needy and leave them in the cold. It’s punishment for being so trusting and hungry for attention.

But someone who tries to build a friendship with you a little quicker than you’re used to isn’t being needy.

They just don’t have the same hangups about love as you. 

To them showing and receiving affection is a perfectly normal human thing to do.

And don’t let it go to your head. Wanting to spend time with you isn’t their way of saying you’re God’s gift to the world. 

Needy people know perfectly well that you can be a bumbling oaf or an insufferable ass. But so is everyone else.

Since you’re likely no better or worse than the rest, why should affectionate people wait to be loving toward you?

Just so you can put in more effort and feel like you earned their love?

What kind of regressive horseshit is that?

‘Needy people’ are simply interested. And if you can’t deal with that because it’s coming too fast, you’re the weird one, not them.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach