Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Are You Talking About Me?

At birth we are completely led by our impressions and feelings. It’s the simplest we will ever be.

As our minds mature, we start to learn the names of things we are the most interested in: ‘mamma,’ ‘dadda’ and so on. But the first thing that adults want us to learn is who we are.

Have you ever watched a baby look at itself in the mirror before? They become fascinated with it. Again and again they inspect their reflection until they finally catch on they’re seeing themselves.

Eventually we come to see the difference between ourselves and the rest of the world. Respectively: that which you can control, and that which you cannot.

Attached to this sense of manipulation comes a self image which is mostly shaped by your interaction with others.

From early on you are instructed that you must have a consistent image: “Just be yourself.” Consequently, most of our teenage years are spent looking for an appropriate identity.

This task often leads to terrible confusion and frustration.

Due to a lack of instruction, many people look to find themselves in an image. Which is impossible, because an image can never catch hold of reality—only describe it.

Therefore, whatever image you or others have of yourself can never be more than a caricature.

A self-image is meant for communication, not assimilation.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach