Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

How To Feel Confident If You Feel Unattractive

Everybody knows that confidence is key to creating attraction. But how do you feel confident if you feel unattractive?

It’s a great question.

And much of the answer depends on what you feel like you have to offer. Yes, part of your gift to a potential partner is your appearance. And it’s not nice when you don’t like what you see in the mirror.

But it’s what you got. Wishing for things to be different is not going to change anything.

Luckily, beauty doesn’t exist solely in the way you look. It definitely plays a role, but it’s not everything.

What really attracts people is how you go through life despite your imperfections.

Will you let your body shape keep you from enjoying a nice dip in the sea because you feel too self-conscious in a bathing suit? That is undeniably unattractive. 


Because your whole self-worth is clearly tied up in your lack of a six-pack. How do you expect others to ever see you as great when your own conception of yourself is small?

It doesn’t make sense.

Although attraction starts with what we see, it breaks or grows depending on what we see others do.

And I’m not talking about amassing wealth, climbing the corporate ladder, or becoming an Olympic medalist in self-loathing. I’m talking about all the things you do that make you proud.

The care and understanding you bring to difficult conversations. Admitting when you’re wrong. Pushing through fear. Quitting a job you hate. Sticking to a job to survive. And showing love to your favourite people.

What you are is so much more than your facial symmetry.

Sure, not everyone will be able to look past the superficial. But why would you want to be with someone who can’t see and appreciate your beauty?

Your thoughtfulness. Your generosity. Your affection. Your bravery. Your warm energy. Your playfulness. Your embarrassing dad jokes.

The people that don’t value these traits are playing a different game than you. And there’s nothing stopping you from ignoring them and playing a game of your own.

Find what you’re proud of and you’ll find your confidence. And more importantly, your newfound confidence will attract people that are actually worth having around.

P.S. If you know anyone who needs to hear this right now, please share and discuss it with them.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach