Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Waiting For Someone Who Doesn’t Want To Commit

If we’re dating someone we like for a while, it’s only normal to desire some level of commitment from the other person. Like exclusivity. Knowing that the other person is open to give it a proper go makes us feel safe and secure. Lovely.

But what if the person you like so much can’t give you that clarity? Perhaps they’re too focused on their career, suffering from traumas from a previous relationship, or just not ready for commitment.

It doesn’t matter. Even if they had the best excuse in the world, why give a shit? 

That’s not your concern. 

Your only concern is: does this situation make me happy? If not, you want to ask yourself: how long am I willing to be unhappy?

You may argue that the other person is amazing and you just feel so blessed to have them in your life. So you’re willing to wait for a long time. 

Fair. As long as your patience is based on something healthy.

Like if they’re kind, understanding, supportive to your needs, clear in their intentions, and a good communicator.

If you’re pining over them because they’re hot, wealthy, famous, or smart enough to split the atom with a pair of chopsticks, you might be into them because they enhance your sense of self-worth. That’s not love, that’s ego.

Does the person you currently have feelings for refuse to commit to you? Then you need to be honest about how unhappy this situation makes you feel. 

Don’t make light of your needs for someone who refuses to see you exclusively. That’s not a big ask after dating for a few months.

Take care of yourself.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach