Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Making Anxiety More Tolerable

When something upsets us, we naturally keep away from it. Whether that thing is an ex who hurt us, a public speaking event, or our taxes. 

Avoiding trouble keeps us safe. But it doesn’t do anything to our feelings surrounding the situation. In fact, the more we hide from difficulties and awkwardness, the more averse we become.

And that’s not a problem when it comes to trivial stuff, like a fear of clowns or leprechauns. Just don’t get too close to circuses or the ends of rainbows. Problem solved.

But are you sharing custody of your child with a former partner? Then it’s pretty important that a call from your co-parent won’t give you a panic attack.

So if you want to feel less anxious about something, become more familiar with it. Seek it out. Surviving enough ‘dangerous’ encounters will eventually convince your system that it’s safe. Now the same trigger won’t set off as many alarm bells. 

Anxiety is weak in the face of familiarity.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach