Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

Nobody Gives A Shit And That’s Fine

We make discoveries every day, but there are only a handful that hit hard and change us forever.

Such as finding out we’ll one day grow old and die, that love isn’t enough to stay together, and that nobody really ever comes close to caring about us and our dumb little ambitions and achievements as much as ourselves.

Of course, friends are invested in your happiness. But never quite to the extent as you are.

And that’s important to hammer into your head.

Otherwise, you risk giving up on ideas and projects when not enough people reward you with cheers, likes, or a tap on the back. 

If your own approval isn’t enough to follow your curiosity and excitement, you’ll just sit still waiting until someone tells you to get up and do something.

What a waste.

After all, this life is all you have. And it’ll be over before you know it.

Please note that this isn’t some motivational doo-doo about dreaming big and making an impact through grit and perseverance. I’m not American enough for that. 

Living an uneventful life is perfectly fine. It’s what almost everyone is confined to anyway. 

Most people are locked into a routine where they roughly do the same things, eat the same food, and see the same people. 

Our talents, resources, and societal rules force that upon us.

So I’m not suggesting you should or shouldn’t reach for the stars, I’m simply reminding you that you’re the one who’s in charge.

Gone are the days when your caretakers and teachers organised things so that you felt good and moved in the right direction.

It’s you who’s responsible now. 

The pleasure you derive from your work, hobbies, and relationships are all dependent on the effort that you put in.

Does that sound too demanding?

Let’s simplify things a little.

If you ever find yourself seeking validation or getting upset because someone else is doing ‘better’ than you, here’s what you do:

Check in to see if you’re getting closer to becoming who you want to be. 

If not, change course. 

That’s like 90% of living a fulfilling life.

It doesn’t eliminate self-doubt or the fear of missing out, but it does guarantee that you’re living a life that you can be proud of. 

And that’s a pretty nice feeling to have. Plus, it’s way better than trying to feel good about your life through the praise of others.

P.S. Don’t know what your best self looks like? Choose three values to live by, ones that you appreciate most in others, and stick with them until they’re carved so deep into your being that it physically pains you to break them. Then do the same with three new values.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach