Sometimes we have the fortune of meeting someone incredible. They’re beautiful, smart, witty, and super curious about us. Plus, the sexual spark is unmistakable. It’s like we’ve hit the jackpot.
But then we run into our first and seemingly unsurmountable obstacle: they live in another part of the world and are heading back soon, with no intention of relocating.
Our first inclination is to exchange numbers, promise to make frequent video calls, and make plans to fly across continents to see each other. But the fact remains that things will be difficult even in a best-case scenario.
We’ll frequently suffer from loneliness and disconnection from our new flame. We’ll grow jealous and insecure when we see Instagram stories of them going out. And we’ll often worry if the future will ever bring us closer together.
The drawbacks of a long-distance relationship are significant. But the consequences of letting go of our new lover feel even greater.
Where does that leave us? How do we know if it’s better to try and make things work from a distance or give them up?
By paying attention to what matters.
Chemistry alone isn’t what makes a perfect match. We also need to pay great attention to compatibility.
When someone is attractive, witty, and easy to talk to, it’s natural to feel fireworks. But this superficial connection doesn’t necessarily mean they’re right for us. To find out if we’re compatible, we need to dig deeper.
Because easy conversation and good sex aren’t a strong enough foundation for a loving relationship. So what communicates they’re a good teammate?
- Their values. If we have wildly different opinions about matters like the environment, politics, personal responsibility, equality, family, love, and religion, we’ll eventually be repulsed by their differences.
- Their lifestyle. Although partners don’t have to do everything together, it’s important that we have enough in common and that we can respect and tolerate the ways they’re different. If their idea of a good time is to stay out late at clubs and parties, while we like to wake up early to jog and meditate, it’s going to put a big strain on our relationship.
- Their personality. It’s not open for debate, a good teammate is someone who’s kind, compassionate, understanding, and open to correction. Not just because they want to please us or others, but because it’s the only way they can live with themselves.
- Their goals. If they’re focused on their career and are often working long hours at the office, while we prefer to spend more time with family and loved ones, it will take a toll on us. To stay together, we need to head in the same direction.
Chemistry shouldn’t be what motivates us to start a serious relationship, no matter how much we like them. It’ll only make it more painful to give up when we inevitably realise that companionship isn’t going to work.
If our remote sweetheart is special to us, we’d be wise to discuss our compatibility before committing to anything long-term.