Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

The Lowdown On Fear

If you know joy is on the other side of fear, and you’re looking for a manual to tell you how to get there, you’re completely missing the point.

Because what you’re looking for is something to eliminate fear and go straight to joy.

But such a gizmo doesn’t exist.

What’s more, if fear could be eliminated you would find joy has disappeared with it. Because the two are united in opposition, not opposed in conflict.

Imagine fear and joy as polar opposites of a magnet; fear being north and joy being south. It’s impossible to find a magnet without a north and south pole. And if you split the magnet in two, separating the north from the south pole, you’re left with two smaller magnets.

So even though the two are opposites, they are always found together. And if you want to get rid of one side, you must destroy both.

Therefore, if you want to move through fear, you deal with it in the same way as you do joy:

You make no attempts to separate yourself from it, because you do not mind it. And if you start to mind fear, you do not mind the minding.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach