Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

The Road To Success: What Separates Confidence From Arrogance

Confidence is sexy. Arrogance is ugly. So what divides the two?

We’ve all been around our fair share of Kanyes. So we already know that comparing yourself to a god is a few thousand steps in the wrong direction. But what if you’re proud of something more tangible?

Such as your achievements or intelligence. Is it cool to boast about your high IQ or how you took first place in last weekend’s tennis tournament?

Not if you do it in a way that makes you look better than other people. Which, let’s be honest, will often be the case.

A sense of superiority is never attractive. No matter if it’s rooted in reality. Sharing a true story about how a scout for Ralph Lauren’s modeling agency came up to you last weekend doesn’t make you seem cool. 

In fact, it makes you look insecure. 

A confident person has no need to bring more attention to their best qualities. Real confidence whispers. It’s calm and quiet.

And most importantly, confidence is humble. 

The person with confidence loves to poke fun at themselves and express gratitude for the people who’ve helped them get ahead.

Let’s get hypothetical. 

Suppose Chris Hemsworth just got awarded Best Actor at the Golden Globes for his part in Extraction II and he’s about to start his acceptance speech. Do you know what would make him wildly confident and likable? Yep, even more than we already like him now.

If he began his speech by saying, “Thank you all for this Golden Globe. But actually, the real winners are the team that airbrushed my poster.” That’d make for a hilarious and humbling self-roast. 

Or what about an Olympic gold medallist? Someone with a skillset that’s better than 99,9% of all the other people in the world. 

If they’re confident, they’d be thankful for all the people who helped them and cheered them on. But are they arrogant? Then they’d talk and act like they’re just built better than the rest. 

How are you inclined to think about your talents and gifts?

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach