Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach

You Don’t Need To Be Happy On Your Own

If we know someone as strong, sophisticated and smart, it’s incredibly vexing to see them fall apart. Especially if the thing that derails them is a person they’ve only just met.

Is someone who succumbs to puppy love actually resilient? If someone strong falls for the wrong person, does that mean we had the wrong image of them all along?

It depends on what you were taught.

We live in a culture that praises independence above all else.

Our idea of strength is someone who can take care of themselves and who has no particular attachments to any place or thing. Contentment comes from within.

The opposite is also true. 

Someone who allows their inner peace to be disturbed so easily is weak. They look for contentment on the outside. A fool’s game. 

At least, according to the most popular mouthpieces of the self-help industry.

It’s actually totally fine if your emotional wellbeing is dependent on others. Our need for closeness, connection, and love arguably drive most of our choices in life.

And that’s the big problem.

If everyone around you is telling you that you need to be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else, you’ll likely feel deeply unhappy. 

You don’t need to have everything figured out before you decide to be with someone.

In fact, if internal happiness was a prerequisite for entering a relationship, everyone would be single.

We’re all going through something. And we’re all dealing with things we aren’t ready for.

So forget about enlightenment.

If you want to meet someone, you just need to be happy enough.

Happy enough to say no to the wrong person. Happy enough to enjoy the affection of the right person.

How do you know if you’ve found the right partner?

Tough to say. But it’s a great sign if they make you feel safe enough to let your guard down. Because once you stop holding on so tight to your pain and flaws, you can become more of who you want to be.

You don’t need to be happy on your own. You just need the right person to depend on.

By Jeroen Elsing
Ex-lawyer turned relationship coach